Worst Pick Up Lines Ever

     My girlfriends and I love going out for dinner, drinks and dancing. We enjoy drama-free nights out with the girls. However, inevitably, we are approached by less-than-desirable men looking for a good time. Here are the worst lines we have heard recently.

20130406_13133910. My buddy and I noticed you from across the bar. I really love your spangly bracelets.
     Sure, it was my spangly bracelets that caught his attention. Not. I was wearing an outfit similar to one I wore for my professional photo shoot. So I had the romantic vibe going, including soft waves in my hair, flawless makeup and a hint of cleavage. Needless to say, after we stopped laughing, we sent him on his merry way. However, I gave him points for effort and creativity!

9. I think we would make beautiful music together.
     Not really a bad line, in and of itself. I gave him points for creativity. But when a guy old enough to be your father, wearing a zoot suit, delivers it, it is just creepy.
     “No, thank you. You’re not my type.”
     “What’s your type?”
     I wanted to say, “Someone who’s not my father’s age.” Instead, I rattled off a list.
     “I don’t like what’s on your list.”
     “You don’t have to. It’s my list.”
     “There are a lot of things missing from your list.” And then, he proceeded to tell me the attributes that should have been on my list.
     I reiterated that I was not interested, but he would not leave. However, within moments, I was saved. He had signed up to sing karaoke, and he was up. Thank you, God!

8. How’d you get that scar on your neck? Did you have a tracheotomy?
     What a jerk!
     “No, I had cancer. Great way to start and end a first conversation.”

white black jeans7. Nice jeans.
     Attention ladies! This is a “politically correct” way for a guy to tell you that you have a nice ass. Apparently, it has replaced the wolf whistle and other direct commentary that could be construed as sexual harassment. I did not bother to acknowledge his presence. But, to tell the truth, they were nice jeans. Actually, they were my favorite jeans, found at White House | Black Market. http://www.whitehouseblackmarket.com

6. My friend and I have a bet going. Are those real?
     “Yes, my eyes are this color. I’m not wearing colored contacts.”
     “That’s not what I meant.”
     “I know. But that’s the only answer you’re getting.”

5. You’re hot. I’m hot. Let’s f***.

     Are you kidding me???
     “Oh hell, no!” Picture me rolling my eyes and shaking my head in total and absolute disgust.

drink - Copy4. What are you drinking?
     Okay, the question is not the problem here, it was the conversation that followed that did him in.
     “Ginger ale with cranberry juice.”
     He laughed and replied, “I want to buy you a real drink. Order something strong.”
     “Nope. This is what I’m drinking. I already had my one alcoholic drink for the evening. I’m the designated driver.”
     “That’s ridiculous.”
     “Come on. I want to talk to you.”
     “And you can’t talk to me unless I’m drinking alcohol? That’s pretty pathetic.”
     “It levels the playing field.”
     “I’m not interested in playing games. Go away, and grow up.”

3. You girls are gorgeous. Have you ever considered doing porn?
     This guy approached us from behind and put one arm around each of us. We immediately pulled away and told him to get away from us. Eeeewwwww! No matter how hard we tried, no amount of antibacterial wipes could make us feel clean after that.

2. I’m a single dad with four kids under the age of five. I’m looking for somebody to raise them for me.
     Well, good luck with that!
     While we were laughing, he explained he liked to cruise around on his motorcycle. He was searching for someone to raise his kids for him, so he can gallivant around the country. We suggested he hire a nanny.

1. I loved 50 Shades of Grey. How about you?
     “Hated it.”
     “How could you hate it? It was fantastic.”
     “The plot was ridiculous. It was poorly written and 200 pages too long.”
     “Come back to my place, and I’ll convince you otherwise.”
     “I can’t say ‘no’ strongly enough.”
     “I’ll have you saying ‘yes’ and begging for more.”
     “Not in your wildest dreams.”
     “I guarantee to make your wildest dreams come true.”
     “My wildest dream is for you to leave us alone.”
     And with that, he called me the “B” word and left. Gee, if only all of my dreams were that easy to fulfill! 

     Despite dealing with unwelcome advances, my girlfriends and I will continue to go out and enjoy each other’s company. And, if nothing else, we will end up with some really interesting stories to share!

Copyright © 2013 Suzanne Purewal

25 thoughts on “Worst Pick Up Lines Ever

  1. Funny stuff. You must have run into every creep in Indy. FYI, the best pickup line ever, as voted in a survey is: “What is your favorite pizza topping?” Subtle and friendly.

    • Yes, we’ve run into our share of creeps. And we don’t go to dive bars. They are decent places…populated by indecent men! I find the pizza topping line weird. But I guess most people would answer the question. Perhaps that’s why it works.

  2. Thank you Suzanne, I will take those off my list. Seriously, men actually approached you with those? I must live on another planet or I have just been out of circulation for too long.

  3. If I saw you out, I might try this. “Hi.” Insert smile. “I was wondering if you happen to enjoy poetry.” Fun blog, Suzanne. Thanks for sharing.

  4. So, let me see if I understand this correctly. You go out with friends to places that serve alcohol, dressed in attactive attire. Then wonder why men try to hit on you? Really? OK, it’s the wrong type of men!!! Try this… Go out in an oversized pair of Rural King jeans, an old sweatshirt and look like you just rolled out of bed. Are you out to enjoy the evening or trying to get looks and entice / tease the men. lol – You’re a hoot!

    • I can tell you miss my Friday CIB Meeting stories!

      Anyway…we dress attractively, not provocatively. I always wear jeans or dress slacks when we go out together. And my blouses and cami/sweater combinations are pretty conservative. My motto is, “Dress classy, not trashy.” The only exception was a large fashion-related event. For that event, I was dressed and styled. So I was in a slinky black dress. That dress elicited the “Are those real?” comment. But I received the other nine comments while dressed conservatively.

      We are not looking for men. We are friends going out for girls’ night out. I’ll admit that it is flattering to be approached by a seemingly decent gentleman. However, I am offended by the number of obnoxious, self-absorbed jerks and their crude language and behavior. The bottom line is that men need to treat women with respect. Period.

      Stay tuned, I’ll be posting the Top 10 Best Pick Up Lines in the near future!

  5. Comment on #5 pickup line. Years ago when I was attending college, many statements were made pertaining to Statistical Analysis, on average 1 in 23 would say “yes”. So with 5 at your table, then he has only 17 more women to offend before he finds “the one”.

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  7. Suzanne, it was a really bad experience, but it’s your fault for wearing colored contacts!!! Just kidding. Fortunately for you, and bad for him, you are a person who says things bluntly, and although he would not understand, he had to accept. Some guys are idiots and do not understand when you said no. Respect the rights of others is a peace. I send you a hug.

  8. The best pickup line I’ve heard was from our minister. He was in seminary and spotted who was to be his wife. He said to her “we’ve been studying the book of Numbers in the bible but I don’t seem to have yours”.

  9. You’ve gotta love a good pickup line. You should hear my wife tell mine. You’d never believe it. It didn’t work, the first time, except I was right, if perhaps a bit surprising to her. But I won her heart eventually. And now she sends the pickup line back to me as an encouragement to keep up the romance.

      • You’ll need a little relationship history for this. We were just friends working together at a student activity office at Purdue. The group was maybe 15 to 20 students, and we were all great friends. We were both in leadership roles there- she was the president and I was the vp, of a Christian Students activity group on campus. We had worked hard and done a lot of activities as just friends and we also attended the same church by that time. At the end of the year, we stayed late one afternoon and cleaned the student activity office. She did so with bare feet. When we finished, she noticed how dirty her feet were and I offered to wash them because Jesus said she should let me do that for her, as a way of giving a blessing to me. She was flabbergasted and asked where I got that information. I said, John 13:14-17.

        And I made her look it up.



  10. Wow! I have to say that’s the most unique pick up line I’ve heard. And I’ve heard a lot of them. Glad your persistence paid off. And I understand why she brings it up to keep the romance alive. How wonderful. Thank you for sharing!

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