As I prepared for this Halloween with my significant other, we discussed what we would be handing out to the trick-or-treaters. I have been handing out treats for nineteen years from the same front door. I know what the kids here want. Lynn, on the other hand, decided he had more years under his belt and scoffed at my choices.
     I informed him, “The kids here like M&M’s, Skittles, Nerds, popcorn, and Nutri-Grain bars.”
     Shaking his head vigorously, he replied, “No! No! No! No kid wants popcorn or Nutri-Grain bars.”
     I disagreed, “Yes, they do.”
     “No, they don’t. They want candy. And lots of it. They don’t want none of that healthy stuff.”
     Au contraire.
     I explained, “About fifteen years ago, I was handing out candy, and I received a lecture from a thirteen-year-old girl on not having any healthy options.”
     “Now you’re just making stuff up.”
     “No. I’m serious. And at that moment, I decided I would have healthier choices available. Starting the next year, I included microwave popcorn and Nutri-Grain bars along with the candy. The popcorn and Nutri-Grain bars were the most popular items.”
     “I don’t believe you. There’s no way kids would pick popcorn or lousy cereal bars over candy.”
     “Fine. You can just see for yourself.”
     He ended up buying jumbo bags of non-approved candy. I bought M&M’s and Nutri-Grain bars. I couldn’t find the Halloween popcorn at Sam’s Club, so the Nutri-Grain bars had to suffice as the only healthier option. Sorry kids.
     Halloween is also Lynn’s birthday, so I let him hand out the treats. His mask was scary. I warned him not to make any little kids cry. Then he insisted on putting a fake rat in with the treats.
     Why must men do these things? Why?
     He attempted to scare all of the kids. The big kids tormented him back. Some of the little ones acted worried. Others were just confused. Despite the theatrics, all of them walked away with treats.
     I did observe two pre-teen boys grab Nutri-Grain bars and then throw them back into the bowl as if they were poison.
     Lynn rubbed it in my face. “See? See? What did I tell you? I was right all along.”
     Rolling my eyes, I said, “It was only two young boys. Just wait.”
     However, one spunky girl got even for having to put up with his antics and stole his fake rat!
     He complained, “Some little girl just stole my fake rat! I can’t believe it. She just grabbed it and stuffed it in her bag.”
     “Did she grab it by accident?”
     “No. She did it on purpose!”
     I laughed. With no sympathy whatsoever, I said, “Serves you right for tormenting all of those poor kids.”
     As funny and satisfying as that moment was, my favorite moment of the evening was when four teenage boys arrived. The one exclaimed, “Nutri-Grain bars!”
     In a chorus, the others asked, “Nutri-Grain bars?”
     I said, “Yup!”
     One boy proclaimed, “I love those!”
     The others agreed. But the first boy taunted them because he grabbed the last one in the bowl.
     I said, “Hold on! I’ll go get more.”
     The boys patiently waited for their bars while Lynn shook his head. He could not believe they were waiting for cereal bars.
     As I passed out the treats, I looked at Lynn. I couldn’t resist. “I told you so.”
     He replied, “Something’s wrong with those kids.”
     “Nope. They’re just fine.”
     After three hours of fun, no child got tangled up in my rose bushes, and no child left crying. It was a successful evening. Although, we had less than 100 kids this year. I used to have almost 200. It’s sad, the neighborhood kids are growing up.
     I must admit that I enjoy seeing the creativity and variety of costumes every year. The Disney princesses are always pretty. The superheroes are strong and mighty. However, the homemade costumes show more ingenuity.
     Truth be told, I don’t care what they wear. If they show up, they get a treat. If they come back for seconds, I give them seconds. I don’t want to clean eggs off my house or pick toilet paper out of my trees.
     It’s a wrap until next year! Hope you all had a happy and safe Halloween!

Copyright © 2017 by Suzanne Purewal


One thought on “Halloween

  1. Ah, the vagaries of men under the influence of misinformation, an overload of machismo and too many Mars Bars! Good job Suzanne! Save me a NutriGrain Bar!

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